At Home He's a Tourist


So I'm in the used record store on 81st and Broadway looking at records. I like this store because everything is relatively cheap, especially the post 60's stuff, and there always a lot of Bob Dylan and Lou Reed records for completist fallback. So I'm in the store and I'm looking through records and another record buyer starts complaining that a budget copy of Abby Road costs 15 dollars. So I'm thinking to myself well were surrounded by a Starbucks, a Barnes and Noble, a Best Buy, and a McDonalds.... I mean I would pay more taxes to keep this store open or at least pay $15.00 for a copy of a budget Abby Road, I'm also thinking if you haven't listened to Abby Road 14 thousand times already you probably have very little interest in music let alone used records and if you were you would gladly pay $15 if you never listened to it before, because it's going to blow your mind, your gonna listen to it 14 thousand times, and your going to memorize every line, a bargain at $15. So then the used record complainer complains that he could get that in philadelphia for $10, and I'm thinking I'm getting tired of listening to this guy complain so thank god Jon walks into the store. So I'm thinking of buying Fables of the Reconstruction for $5, so I show it to Jon and I notice a review copy emboss and I'm like forget it, I collect IRS REM so I don't want one embossed because I can probably find it not embossed and there is a $7 Long Ryders record I'll buy, I saw the Japanese import at Jon Varvardoes for $25, and Sid Griffin just wrote a book about Bobby D, and the store has one of the terrible "good" stations on and their playing reggae Dylan covers which are terrible, and Gene Clark is on the record. So Jon asks why I put back the REM record and I show him the emboss and he says" so thats a deal breaker huh? ", so I say, " I guess so except I never really thought about it in those terms". So it's good Jon gets there because there are a bunch of stacks on the floor I skipped out of laziness so Jon sits on the floor and starts going through them so I look over his shoulder, he wants me to buy Coney Island Baby for $15 except I can never understand why Lou wants to play football for the coach, I mean Lou I know you've gone through a lot but do you have any idea how painful that can be? So then every time Jon gets to a How To record; build a robot, speak french, file your taxes, dance the tango, win friends, write a blog etc...etc...etc...he tells me I should buy it. So I'm thinking Jon is trying to tell me something, I mean I know I'm a loser but it's pretty late in the game so what can I do, you don't have to rub it in. Jon is really complaining about the prices, he's worse than the other price complainer in the store. For Jon if a record isn't a dollar or less ( preferably many for free in a cardboard box ) it's a deal breaker. So Jon tells me that today is Bob Dylan's birthday and thats why their playing Bob Dylan reggae covers on the radio.